So drunk, too bad you don't want this
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
