I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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