Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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