Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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