Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
