Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Pooping to opera.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
