it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
