the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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