It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
