I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
ok first of all what the fuck
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
