Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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