so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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