I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
