Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
