I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
