I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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