Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
