Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
