Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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