dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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