Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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