Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
