I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
