Moan for me like Helen Keller
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
