I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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