I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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