If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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