Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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