we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
