My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
