It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My friends, they love my intelligence
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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