ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
