We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
