No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
