Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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