Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He kissed a someone with a penis
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
