Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
