Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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