Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
