In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
