My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
