Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
