i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
