What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
