It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
