My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
