Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
