we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
