Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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