i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
