Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
