By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
