His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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