i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
His nipple licking is glorious
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